Sunday, May 24, 2009

I'm perfect just the way I am!

done in gouache, gesso, charcoal, kraft paper on wood block
10x10
protected by fixative

Now this Is a sentimental piece for me and I'll tell you why. Actually they all are but this one especially gets to me in ways to memories. The title coveys an important message that I would love to share with you. There were times in my life when I was told that I should change this and change that. Nose to big, too voluptuous, too thin, to blump, need to loose weight or you should be a Doctor teacher or I should not behave child like (goofy) too funny or I should paint this way or talk that way. I mean it went on and on by people who I loved  and were close to me.  I'm too sweet to kind, I must be tougher, I shouldn't cry or show too much emotion. MY GOD, SHUT UP ALREADY, DAM YOU. I'm PERFECT JUST THE WAY I AM! 
After a while you think who are these people who I love and accept them for who they are in all their imperfections. Telling me I needed to change all of me. After a while I ended up believing them. That there was something about me I needed to change, to be better for them. I was young  and naive, wanting so much to be loved and find approval. Ooh I was so wrong for believing such rubbish crap! A few years later I encountered a friend and I was afraid to be myself, worrying that being myself would not be enough. I would distant myself from this friend. And he asked me, what was wrong when he did see me? why the distance and pretending. It killed me in inside. He was such a wonderful person like a big brother who was very kind to me but I was afraid. Again, in my mind I thought he had a hidden agenda. But he did not. I became insecure. One day I decided I wanted to talk about how I felt and I did. He was supportive and very attentive. I cried and let myself go. I felt dam good to release such garbage. I wanted myself back, to feel, to be the person I am meant to be. And if I wanted to change something I thought needed changing to become a better person, that's my choice and decision. I became aware, more open, I found myself again. I was loving all of me. I felt in tune with life and nature. I was dancing in sweet bliss. I felt alive! And I said, no more toxic people in my life telling me how to be or how to live. And if anyone doesn't like it, oh well, here's to me and those who are comfortable in their own skin and not afraid of being who they are reguardless what anybody says.