Sunday, October 16, 2011

Im here doing art and loving myself!

These will be all on etsy either today or tomorrow!
There are about 20 of them but I will only post these.

Follow the light
landscape
multimedia 200lb paper


On the 14th of October I was released from the hospital called conquering mental health for deep depression and OCD. I was there for 6 days. I have to say it was scary. I never been in a mental hospital before. And being isolated by the people I love was very difficult. I cried for 4hours. But I knew I had to do it. I was prepared meaning I had a bag full of art supplies and paper. I always carried my supplies with me so that was good. Facing what hurts you the most was very painful. I could no longer avoid like I had in the past. I was good at avoiding my problems. But this time I promised myself that I will face it even if it hurts too much. I won’t be alone. I was prepared to fight. I know that this is personal and I know I am sharing it with all of you because being openly naked is freedom and letting go. And I’m not ashamed of it. I’m only human, a woman with so much love deep inside myself.
The second day was a bit easier for me. I introduced myself to other 20 patients young and old. And they were all wonderful and gifted. It gave me the opportunity to teach art therapy, that was fun. We all talked about our deepest feelings and fears. We cried, we laughed, we got angry, we screamed, we hugged, we talked, we embraced and we respected each other. The nurses and doctors treated us like human beings with kindness. At first I was ashamed of being there thinking how can I possibly be so weak. But I was wrong. I was brave to seek help. I couldn’t do it alone, not this time.

I had suffered from depression ever since I was a little girl. Drawing was an escape to venture through a lightness of being, to explore and channel my feelings. Some feelings I could not understand and so I painted and painted. Releasing felt powerful, to be able to connect and explore a part of me. I knew I had to face something but what, I asked myself. I was too young to comprehend, confused about my surroundings, sensitive, impressionable about the city I grew up in and my home. Being Puerto Rican living in New York City was tough. It taught me that to survive you got to keep going and not give up. There were moments when I did fall and hard but I found the strength to build myself up and keep going. Painting was my survival! It brought me joy, happiness and colors to explode on paper. That was my gift to just paint and share my deep love to the world. As you all know that a lot of paintings are based on children. Deep inside I’m still that little girl in this 40 year old body of mine. I have a young spirit. We artists are all brilliant, incredibly strong and brave. And we should never be afraid to be who we truly are – SPECIAL! And that goes for every single person in here. There light in all of us! Never listen to that part of yourself that says you are not special because you all are.


Missing home 
watercolor acrylic graphite on multimedia 200lb paper 7.5 x 11

Im not afraid
watercolor acrylic graphite on multimedia 200lb paper 7.5 x 11